The Xmen Present: Sleeping Beauty
by Chellerbelle
Summary: The story of Sleeping Beauty, X-men style. Includes cast and narrator commentary. Just for laughs.


**AN: **Maya-chan2007 requested Sleeping Beauty, so here you go!

* * *

Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the Princess Anna Marie was born.

* * *

"Not again!" Rogue objected. "Why can't someone else be the princess? Do I look like a princess to you?"

"You're my princess," Gambit decided as he curled up next to her.

"I'm in hell."

"Rogue, you have a sexy man professing his undying love for you," Kitty pointed out. "If that's hell I'm going to start being a bad girl."

* * *

To celebrate the birth of their daughter, King Logan and Queen Mystique decided to throw a huge party.

* * *

Logan and Mystique looked at each other.

"I'm married to her?" Logan said the same time Mystique said: "I'm married to him?"

**Father-figure and adopted mother. It works.**

"Hmm," Gambit considered. "I'm sensing the presence of some scary future in-laws."

"Oooh does this mean that you're going to leave me alone for once?" Rogue asked.

"Now why would I want to do a thing like that?"

Snikt.

"I said scary. I didn't say I was afraid."

"I think for once I agree with Wolverine," Mystique commented. "You spend far too much time slobbering over my daughter."

"I don't slobber. That's what dogs do."

Silence.

"You know, I don't have to sit here and be insulted."

* * *

Everyone in the land was invited. Of note amongst the guests were the good fairies, Jean, Kitty and Jubilee.

* * *

"Woohoo! A fairy is like, much cooler than being a stepsister!" Kitty exclaimed delightedly.

"Yes, yes it is," Jean agreed.

Jubilee chuckled.

* * *

The time came for the presents to be given.

"To the princess, I give the gift of Beauty," said Jubilee.

* * *

"Well dat was a waste," Gambit said. "Ma chere's already beautiful."

"Pity she like, hides it underneath all the bad clothes and make up," Kitty said.

Rogue rolled her eyes.

"This coming from someone who wears 'Hello Kitty' pajamas."

"Hey!"

* * *

"My gift to Princess Anna Marie is Prosperity," said Kitty.

* * *

"Prosperity?" Jubilee questioned.

**Do you have any idea how hard it was to come up with gift number 2? In the Disney version the gift is 'Song' and well, this is hardly a musical. In the Grimm Brothers version there are actually a total of twelve fairies invited to the party, and the only gifts named are 'Beauty', 'Riches' and 'Virtue'.**

"Twelve fairies?"

**Yeah and the thirteenth fairy missed out because - get this - they didn't have enough golden dishes. Not because she was evil. And speaking of which.**

* * *

As Jean was about to approach the baby, the doors of the grand hall blew open and in strode the fairy, Wanda, full of indignant anger. People - not to mention the furniture - fled and shifted in her wake.

"I apologise for my tardiness, but it would appear that my invitation got lost in the mail," she said coldly.

* * *

"Cool I get to be the evil fairy," Wanda smirked.

"Doesn't the evil fairy die?" asked Kitty.

**We're not doing the Disney version here. Okay we're not exactly honouring the Grimm Brothers' version either but that's hardly the point.**

"It's just a bit of fun anyway, Kitty," Wanda said rolling her eyes.

* * *

"No it didn't," said King Logan. "You weren't invited."

"Hmm," Wanda said darkly. "I wondered if that might be the case. Nevertheless, I too, have a gift to bestow upon the child. On the day of her fifteenth birthday, the Princess Anna Marie will prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die."

"No!" gasped Queen Mystique.

But the damage was done, and Wanda departed with triumphant evil laughter echoing behind her.

* * *

"Oh I like," Wanda said approvingly. "Now _there's_ an exit!"

* * *

Naturally the court was in much distress over Wanda's spell. The fair, Jean, approached King Logan and Queen Mystique.

"Your majesties," she said. "I fear I cannot undo Wanda's spell, but I can soften it."

She turned to face Princess Anna Marie.

"You shall not die," she said. "Instead you shall fall asleep for a hundred years."

* * *

"Without aging," Kitty giggled.

**Yeah it's an ageless sleep. Kinda like cryogenic stasis... Maybe I should have made Bobby a fairy.**

"What? No! I'm not a fairy!" Bobby objected.

"What I want to know is," Jubilee cut in then. "What would you have given the princess if you didn't need to mess up Wanda's so-called gift?"

"I was planning on giving her a cool temper," Jean joked.

"Hey!" Rogue objected. "What's that supposed t' mean?"

"Oh nothing. It's not like you're easily annoyed or anything."

Rogue's eyes narrowed and as she was about to launch into a tirade, Gambit draped one arm across her shoulders and took one of her hands with the other.

"Ignore her, cherie," he advised. "She just doesn't appreciate that you put the 'hot' in 'hot temper'."

"Get your hands off me, swamp rat."

"Very, very hot."

* * *

However, King Logan was not happy with the alteration of Wanda's spell and ordered that all the spinning wheels in the kingdom were to be destroyed.

* * *

"Do I get to cut them up into little pieces?" Logan asked.

**Sure, why not? Just so long as you let Pyro burn the rubble.**

"Yay!" Pyro cheered.

**After all, a broken spinning wheel piece might still qualify.**

* * *

The years past and Princess Anna Marie grew up into a beautiful young women, loved by all.

* * *

"What's not to love?" Gambit asked rhetorically.

"Well, there is that temper thing we mentioned earlier," Jean joked.

"But she's so sexy when she's mad."

"Is that why you like to irritate me so much?" Rogue asked.

"And she gets favourite treatment from Logan," Kitty nodded.

"I do not," Rogue protested the same time Logan said: "She does not."

"And she won't ever come shopping with us," Jubilee put in.

"Yeah, there's a reason for that," Rogue pointed out.

"But worse of all... she keeps complaining about Remy having a crush on her," Jean nodded. "We're getting just a little sick of hearing it."

"I'm a victim of unrequited love," Gambit nodded. "Feel sorry for me."

* * *

On the day of her fifteenth birthday, she inexplicably got lost in the palace and came to a door she'd never seen before. Her curousity aroused, Princess Anna Marie opened the door and peered inside. There she saw Wanda, spinning thread.

"What's that?" the princess asked.

"This is a spinning wheel, my dear," Wanda replied. "Would you like to try?"

"Sure."

Wanda stood from her seat so Princess Anna Marie could sit down. The princess reached out and touched the needle.

"Ow," she frowned, pulling her finger away.

A drop of blood seeped from her finger and as it dripped to the floor the Princess fell asleep.

* * *

"That's novel. Someone putting me in a coma instead of the other way around," Rogue joked.

* * *

Princess Anna Marie was not the only one to sleep, for all those in the palace joined her in her slumber even where they stood, sat and worked. Left unattended, a forest of thorns grew around the grounds, jealous of it's precious treasure inside.

A legend of a beautiful princess spread throughout the world, and many princes sought her. Unfortunately, the forest of thorns both repelled and trapped them.

And so it was that one hundred years after the Princess Anna Marie had fallen asleep, the Prince Remy heard the legend from an old man in a tavern. He was greatly intrigued and expressed his interest in pursing the matter.

"I wouldn't if I were you," said Charles.

* * *

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, not only do I miss out on being King again, but you have me cast as an old man?" the Professor asked in disgust.

**Well, it was either you or Magneto. I thought you might appreciate the chance to have a role this time.**

There was general snickering as Professor Xavier muttered something about injustice.

* * *

"Many have gone to seek the fabled Princess Anna Marie, but no one who has ever tried has ever returned alive. Well, except those who saw all the thorns and all the bodies caught in the thorns and left before they got started."

"Really? Sounds like a good challenge to me."

* * *

Gambit laughed.

"That sounds just like me," he grinned. "I approve."

"You would," Rogue said.

* * *

Suitably enticed, the Prince Remy journeyed to the thorn forest. He setup camp for the night, and first thing in the morning he entered the forest.

Now Prince Remy was a particularly skilled athlete. Despite the density of the thorns, the prince had no problem moving through the gaps and not once did he get so much as a scratch. The forest ended sooner than he would have thought and before him he stared at the beautiful and perfectly preserved palace before him.

Prince Remy walked through the gates and looked all around him as he made his way inside. The sleeping bodies of humans, dogs, horses and birds were scattered throughout the courtyard. Inside he saw sleeping servants and guards lining the floors.

* * *

"Sounds creepy if you ask me," Kitty said with a shiver. "I would like, be totally freaked out seeing all those bodies everywhere."

"Are you sure you haven't phased your spine and left it lying around somewhere, Kitty-cat?" Gambit teased.

* * *

None of this was of any particular interest to Prince Remy. Instead he continued making his way through the palace and eventually found his way to the room where the Princess Anna Marie lay fast asleep. She was so beautiful that he couldn't resist the urge to kiss her.

* * *

"That's true," Gambit nodded. "Rogue, you're so beautiful, I can't resist the urge to kiss you."

Rogue tried to move away, but Gambit caught her and kissed her lips passionately.

Snikt.

"I see where your hands are going, Gumbo," Logan said warningly.

"Umm, she's so beautiful I can't resist?" Gambit suggested.

* * *

Princess Anna Marie's eyes opened and -

* * *

"She slapped him for being a presumptuous jerk," Rogue interrupted with a glare at Gambit.

"Nah, if Prince Remy had been a presumptuous jerk, he would have copped a feel first," Gambit grinned at her.

**Ahem. As I was saying.**

* * *

Princess Anna Marie's eyes opened and she smiled at him.

* * *

"I like mine better," Rogue muttered.

* * *

Prince Remy helped her to stand and lead her out of the room, arm in arm, as the rest of the palace began to wake.

Thus it was that Princess Anna Marie and Prince Remy were married and they lived happily every after.

* * *

"Hey, Princess Anna Marie's a cradle robber," Kitty giggled.

"I am not," Rogue objected.

"Sure you are. You're 115 and Remy's... however old Prince Remy's supposed to be."

"Don't worry cherie," Gambit said grandly. "I won't hold your antiquity against you. I still love you no matter how old you are."

"Well, that's very gracious of you," Rogue replied cynically.

"Besides, older women have more experience."

"Except that Princess Anna Marie is a 115 year old virgin."

"She has a great deal of experience with _sleeping_ though."

"This is a very bad conversation."

"And she looks great for her age."

"Remy?"

"Oui, Roguey?"

"Shut up."

"Make me. Please?"

"Sure thing. Anyone got some duct tape?"


End file.
